Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I seem to have left my pride at pride
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dick very happy bro
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
