If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
