Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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