Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
