Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
