it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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