I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
