Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
