Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
