I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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