Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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