I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
