i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Enjoy the penises
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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