trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
