yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
