Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
