with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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