Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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