Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
