I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
