I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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