At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
