Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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