The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
