matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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