even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
