i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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