I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
