oh god the rape fog is back!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
