And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
