I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
