Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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