i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
