Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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