I CAN MOONWALK!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
