I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
