I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
