Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
