mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
