he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
