Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
