Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
