His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
