I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
