I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
