If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm passing your future prison.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't put those talents on a resume
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
