we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
