when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
