he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
