I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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