the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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