He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
