and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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